Undisclosed Desires

"I want to reconcile the violence in your heart
I want to recognize your beauty's not just a mask,
I want to exorcise the demons from your past,
I want to satisfy the undisclosed desires in your heart"

Great lyrics by Muse

Chopsticks and Skittles

FHE on the whole hasn't been fun so far this year. Yet I still go, persistently hopeful that one of these times I will enjoy myself. This past Monday started out promising: an object lesson to start out the evening. Each person was handed one chopstick and then told to pick up a skittle from a bowl using only that chopstick. As I approached the bowl, everyone else already there and struggling, I snapped my chopstick in half and used that to pick up a skittle. Everyone was impressed, except the "teacher," who thought I cheated. I thought I was awesome.

We settled down for the lesson, which turned out to be 40 minutes long and about the Book of Mormon as another testament of Christ. We watched two videos, had an emotional testimony from the teacher who then asked us all to bear our testimony of the BOM. I'm sorry, did I walk through the door into a fireside? Ward prayer? Relief Society? No, this is FHE? Oh, good, 'cause I wasn't sure I was in the right place. There were some good things about the lesson, but it was long and not what I would call an appropriate lesson for FHE, not for what the purpose of FHE is. But I endured waiting to see how the activity would turn out. Lesson ended at 8 pm, and oh yeah, by the by there isn't an activity tonight. -Sigh- Why do I still go?

Halloween

Queen Bavmorda!

Pizazz!

Finally I found a template that's more lively and colorful. Sadly all the templates I liked were too wide to show everything, even this one cuts off most of the blue, but it still works. Now I have more options and can switch things around whenever I want. But for now the vomiting frog has new colors. Woot woot.

Distractions

Maybe I'm never satisfied. I sit down to write, either an email or a blog post or to work on my novel or short story, and I get so distracted. Even now, I paused to watch tv. Then I have to shake my focus back to the task at hand. I'll stare at the screen, fingers pressed to the keyboard, but my mind will be blank. At times it is too silent around me, a distracting silence, so I turn on the tv or the radio as background noise. Sometimes I turn on both at the same time so there is noise to block out the world. Then my mind and fingers spiral into a whirlwind.

Today is a silent day. I need the silence to write because my day was so blah that I want things to distract me, to fill my day with something instead of nothing. And work is close to nothing when it is days like today. With my blah day when the tv is on, I want to watch and not write. The problem is my roommate has guests over and they are loud. I need a studio that is sound proof, full of light, full of either sound or silence depending on the day. That's not possible, though, when I'm living in student housing.

Communicating is a good thing.

Feelings have been tense at work for a while, at least in regards to people enjoying their job and feeling appreciated. But the letter helped diffuse that. We all met and discussed a few aspects of the letter of work concerns and even though nothing changed (because we all agree that my department does not have a magic wand contrary to what other departments think), that it can't change overnight, at least management is more aware of how we feel and how things are perceived. Funny, the two managers kept saying we don't know unless you communicate with us and I wanted to raise my hand and say, "um, what do you think we are doing with this letter? That would be communicating." We will discuss more next week. I am just glad that we got things in the open as an example to everyone, that they neeed to talk to the manager with concerns that really matter to them instead of gossiping about it. I will complain too of course, but I was the one to step up and do something about my complaints. I just don't think you have a right to complain over and over and over again and get all worked up if you aren't willing to do something about it. (In a healthy, let's talk about it way and not a I'm feeling angst let get destructive way.) That was Thursday. Friday I went to my manager about personal experiences that I was worried about and we had a good talk.

I am Saffron

Skaggs, Rachel [12:54 PM]:
name some spices
Clymay[12:55 PM]:
cumin
Skaggs, Rachel [12:55 PM]:
more
Clymay [12:56 PM]:
cinnamon. thyme. basil. fennel seeds. dill. rosemary. cardomon. garlic and onion powder. what else? ooh, chili powder
Skaggs, Rachel [1:04 PM]:
Saffron has a spicy, pungent, and bitter flavor with a sharp and penetrating odor.
Skaggs, Rachel [1:04 PM]:
I am Saffron
Clymay [1:05 PM]:
oh yeah, saffron
Clymay [1:05 PM]:
I thought it was sweet too, no?
Skaggs, Rachel [1:06 PM]:
Saffron is used in French bouillabaisse, Spanish paella, Milanese risotto, and many Middle Eastern dishes
Clymay [1:08 PM]:
that is very interesting, thank you for the information
Clymay [1:08 PM]:
I'll log that away
Skaggs, Rachel [1:08 PM]:
A little pinch goes a long way with Saffron. Use it in Italian risottos, Spanish chicken and rice, French seafood stews and Scandinavian sweet breads.
Clymay [1:08 PM]:
and spahgetti sauce
Skaggs, Rachel [1:09 PM]:
what spice are you?
Clymay [1:09 PM]:
I dunno. But my boyf is curry. He is SPICY hot
Clymay [1:09 PM]:
and delicious
Skaggs, Rachel [1:09 PM]:
hehehehehehweheheheh
Clymay [1:13 PM]:
who thought of this game?
Skaggs, Rachel [1:16 PM]:
me of course
Clymay [1:18 PM]:
why did I even ask?

Today I emailed my manager concerns about my department and possible solutions to fixing those concerns. He took the email very personally. He's there for us to go to when we have concerns, that's his job. Sigh.

There's something physically draining about angering your manager. It just doesn't leave me with a lot of energy to go bounding about when there is the possibility your manager could be plotting your termination. But I had plenty of tootsie rolls left over from Halloween, so I snacked on those for energy and read humorous emails and IM conversations I've saved over the past year and a half.

Random IMs make me happy. And we shall see how the email pans out after Thursday when we meet as a team to discuss it.